I finally finished my Vernazza-yarn hat! It took soooooo much longer than it should have because, as it turns out, size matters.
I found a pattern I liked online, found a place that could decipher crochet language for me (I was a little rusty with what "Rnd 3: dc next st, Fpdc same st" meant), and started crocheting. But since my yarn was skinny, I made a tiny hat. Our second niece was born two weeks ago; this hat would have been too small for her. So I undid my tiny hat.
I started again using both balls of yarn at once, so I was working with twice the thickness. I made the hat again. It was still too small. Not comically small anymore, just too small. So, I undid most of the hat and added several rounds to the top before remaking the band, which I also made bigger to make up for my still-too-skinny yarn.
To get to the point, I'm so happy with the result! So much, in fact, that I am wearing the hat right now, which is a little silly because I'm inside, at my desk, typing on a computer.
Here it is (with the perfect button that I found in my mom's button jar):